vicovi :D
- Capt. Kirk
- Postovi: 2724
- Pridružen/a: 04 ruj 2009 15:07
- Spol/rod: žensko
@ fajtericaa
lol, ovaj sa crncem u polju je precious
enivej:
Bill goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to
the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bill's standing there, taking care
of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take
a leak. Bill finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bill to help
him out. Being a kind soul, Bill says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bill says, "OK." Then the man
says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bill replies, "Uh, yeah, OK." Bill
pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair
clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the
guy asks Bill to point it for him, and Bill points for him. Bill then
shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bill, "Thanks,
man, I really appreciate it." Bill says, "No problem, but what the
hell's wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt
and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
lol, ovaj sa crncem u polju je precious
enivej:
Bill goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to
the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bill's standing there, taking care
of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take
a leak. Bill finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bill to help
him out. Being a kind soul, Bill says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bill says, "OK." Then the man
says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bill replies, "Uh, yeah, OK." Bill
pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair
clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the
guy asks Bill to point it for him, and Bill points for him. Bill then
shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bill, "Thanks,
man, I really appreciate it." Bill says, "No problem, but what the
hell's wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt
and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
- fajtericaa
- Postovi: 913
- Pridružen/a: 01 tra 2007 07:46
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Status: U braku
A joooj, slatki mali peso
Genijalno!Capt. Kirk je napisao/la: Bill goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to
the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bill's standing there, taking care
of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take
a leak. Bill finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bill to help
him out. Being a kind soul, Bill says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bill says, "OK." Then the man
says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bill replies, "Uh, yeah, OK." Bill
pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair
clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the
guy asks Bill to point it for him, and Bill points for him. Bill then
shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bill, "Thanks,
man, I really appreciate it." Bill says, "No problem, but what the
hell's wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt
and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
Žena i ja smo iz kreveta gledale na TVu "Tko želi biti milijunaš".
Okrenla sam se prema njoj i upitala: "Hoćeš se seksati?".
"Ne", odgovorila je.
Upitala sam: "Je li to tvoj konačni odgovor?"
Nije me ni pogledala kad mi je rekla: "Da, to je moj konačni odgovor!"
Tada sam rekla: "Dobro, onda bih iskoristila joker 'ZOVI'
I tad je počela frka...
Okrenla sam se prema njoj i upitala: "Hoćeš se seksati?".
"Ne", odgovorila je.
Upitala sam: "Je li to tvoj konačni odgovor?"
Nije me ni pogledala kad mi je rekla: "Da, to je moj konačni odgovor!"
Tada sam rekla: "Dobro, onda bih iskoristila joker 'ZOVI'
I tad je počela frka...
Jedan hipik ulazi u autobus i tamo primjecuje jednu slatku casnu
sestru. Sjeda pored nje i upita ju:
"Hoces li voditi ljubav sa mnom?"
"Ne" odgovara casna sestra, "Ja sam udata za Boga", zatim se digne i
izadje na slijedecoj stanici.
Tada progovori vozac autobusa koji je cuo citavu konverzaciju:
"Ja znam kako mozes privoliti casnu sestru da vodi ljubav s Tobom?"
"Stvarno? A kako?" upita hipik.
"Svakog utorka tocno u ponoc, ona odlazi na groblje da se moli, tako
da jedino sto trebas uciniti je obuci neki dugacki ogrtac s
kapuljacom, namazati bradu
briljantinom i tvrditi da si Bog".
Hipik se odluci da isproba i pojavi se na groblju u utorak uvecer,
maskiran kako mu je vozac predlozio.
"To sam ja, Bog!" predstavi se hipik casnoj sestri povlaceci kapuljacu
dublje prema licu.
"Vodi ljubav sa mnom!"
Casna sestra pristane ne pitajuci nista, ali ga moli da se zadovolji
samo analnim odnosom jer niposto ne zeli izgubiti nevinost.
"Bog" i casna sestra vode ljubav i kada su zavrsili, on se uspravi i
skine kapuljacu s glave govoreci:
"Ha-ha-ha!! To sam ja hipik"
"Ha-ha-ha! uzvraca casna sestra. "To sam ja, vozac autobusa!"
sestru. Sjeda pored nje i upita ju:
"Hoces li voditi ljubav sa mnom?"
"Ne" odgovara casna sestra, "Ja sam udata za Boga", zatim se digne i
izadje na slijedecoj stanici.
Tada progovori vozac autobusa koji je cuo citavu konverzaciju:
"Ja znam kako mozes privoliti casnu sestru da vodi ljubav s Tobom?"
"Stvarno? A kako?" upita hipik.
"Svakog utorka tocno u ponoc, ona odlazi na groblje da se moli, tako
da jedino sto trebas uciniti je obuci neki dugacki ogrtac s
kapuljacom, namazati bradu
briljantinom i tvrditi da si Bog".
Hipik se odluci da isproba i pojavi se na groblju u utorak uvecer,
maskiran kako mu je vozac predlozio.
"To sam ja, Bog!" predstavi se hipik casnoj sestri povlaceci kapuljacu
dublje prema licu.
"Vodi ljubav sa mnom!"
Casna sestra pristane ne pitajuci nista, ali ga moli da se zadovolji
samo analnim odnosom jer niposto ne zeli izgubiti nevinost.
"Bog" i casna sestra vode ljubav i kada su zavrsili, on se uspravi i
skine kapuljacu s glave govoreci:
"Ha-ha-ha!! To sam ja hipik"
"Ha-ha-ha! uzvraca casna sestra. "To sam ja, vozac autobusa!"
- _rea_
- Postovi: 415
- Pridružen/a: 14 ožu 2008 01:35
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Lokacija: LaiBach :)
Pitao Mujo kolege s posla kako da provjeri da li ga Fata voli.
Kada dodjes doma pravi se mrtav pa ces vidjeti kako Fata reagira.
I tako dodje Mujo doma otvori vrata i slozi se na pod.
Vidje to Fata pa ga preskoci potrcavsi prema susjedu Hasi vicuci:
-Hasooo, evo ga rikno Mujo!
Dodje Haso pa gleda.
Pita Fata: - U cemu da ga pokopam?
Kaze Haso: - Pa u onom odijelu sto ste ga kupili u Italiji!
-Ma to ces ti obuci, njega cemo obuci u onu staru Nike trenirku,kaze
Fata
A sta da mu obujemo? Pita Fata.
- One talijanske kozne cipele. Kaze Haso
-Ma te cipele obuj ti, njemu cemo na noge one stare Adidas tene kaze
Fata.
I tako dodje dan sahrane pa Fata onako reda radi pocne naricati: - EEE, mooj Muujo kamo te noseee!
Dize se Mujo iz kovcega pa kaze: - NA OLIMPIJADU, PIZDA TI MATERINA!
Kada dodjes doma pravi se mrtav pa ces vidjeti kako Fata reagira.
I tako dodje Mujo doma otvori vrata i slozi se na pod.
Vidje to Fata pa ga preskoci potrcavsi prema susjedu Hasi vicuci:
-Hasooo, evo ga rikno Mujo!
Dodje Haso pa gleda.
Pita Fata: - U cemu da ga pokopam?
Kaze Haso: - Pa u onom odijelu sto ste ga kupili u Italiji!
-Ma to ces ti obuci, njega cemo obuci u onu staru Nike trenirku,kaze
Fata
A sta da mu obujemo? Pita Fata.
- One talijanske kozne cipele. Kaze Haso
-Ma te cipele obuj ti, njemu cemo na noge one stare Adidas tene kaze
Fata.
I tako dodje dan sahrane pa Fata onako reda radi pocne naricati: - EEE, mooj Muujo kamo te noseee!
Dize se Mujo iz kovcega pa kaze: - NA OLIMPIJADU, PIZDA TI MATERINA!
***"Lose everything and what is real will still remain"***
- _rea_
- Postovi: 415
- Pridružen/a: 14 ožu 2008 01:35
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Lokacija: LaiBach :)
Three Proofs that Jesus Was...
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH
He went into his father's business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH
He never got married
He was always telling stories
He loved green pastures
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN
His first name was Jesus
He was bilingual
He was always being harassed by the authorities
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN
He talked with his hands
He had wine with every meal
He worked in the building trades
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK
He called everybody "brother"
He liked Gospel
He couldn't get a fair trial
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN
He never cut his hair
He walked around barefoot
He started a new religion
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN
He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food.
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
Even dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH
He went into his father's business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH
He never got married
He was always telling stories
He loved green pastures
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN
His first name was Jesus
He was bilingual
He was always being harassed by the authorities
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN
He talked with his hands
He had wine with every meal
He worked in the building trades
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK
He called everybody "brother"
He liked Gospel
He couldn't get a fair trial
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN
He never cut his hair
He walked around barefoot
He started a new religion
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN
He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food.
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
Even dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.
***"Lose everything and what is real will still remain"***
- _rea_
- Postovi: 415
- Pridružen/a: 14 ožu 2008 01:35
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Lokacija: LaiBach :)
An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes walks into a
pet
shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper's heart melts and he gets down on his knees, so that
he's on
her level, and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or
maybe
one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, blushing, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans
forward and says in a quiet voice,
"I don't fink my python weally gives a phuck..."
pet
shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper's heart melts and he gets down on his knees, so that
he's on
her level, and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or
maybe
one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, blushing, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans
forward and says in a quiet voice,
"I don't fink my python weally gives a phuck..."
***"Lose everything and what is real will still remain"***
- _rea_
- Postovi: 415
- Pridružen/a: 14 ožu 2008 01:35
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Lokacija: LaiBach :)
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and
engage in
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says
the
following;
"Emma come first. Den I come.
Two asses, dey come together. I come again.
Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this
country we
don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa
ta
spella Mississippi."
engage in
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says
the
following;
"Emma come first. Den I come.
Two asses, dey come together. I come again.
Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this
country we
don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa
ta
spella Mississippi."
***"Lose everything and what is real will still remain"***
_rea_ je napisao/la:An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes walks into a
pet
shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper's heart melts and he gets down on his knees, so that
he's on
her level, and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or
maybe
one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, blushing, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans
forward and says in a quiet voice,
"I don't fink my python weally gives a phuck..."
aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww
I'm a lover, not a fighter, but I'll fight for what I love.
~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNuhD88jajI ~
~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNuhD88jajI ~
...pa si nakon frke iskoristila joker zovi. i nazvala 94 pretpostavljamKali je napisao/la:Žena i ja smo iz kreveta gledale na TVu "Tko želi biti milijunaš".
Okrenla sam se prema njoj i upitala: "Hoćeš se seksati?".
"Ne", odgovorila je.
Upitala sam: "Je li to tvoj konačni odgovor?"
Nije me ni pogledala kad mi je rekla: "Da, to je moj konačni odgovor!"
Tada sam rekla: "Dobro, onda bih iskoristila joker 'ZOVI'
I tad je počela frka...
- _rea_
- Postovi: 415
- Pridružen/a: 14 ožu 2008 01:35
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Lokacija: LaiBach :)
MOST POPULAR CHUCK NORRIS FACTS :
- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
- There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
- Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
- Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
- Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
- There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
- Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
- Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
- Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
***"Lose everything and what is real will still remain"***
Na putničkom avionu starija gospođa reče stjuardesi:
Srčno vjerujem, da taj avion nije brži od zvuka.
Stjuardesa uslužno, a zbunjeno:
Zašto?
Zato, da bi mogla sa prijateljicom razgovarati.
Haso i Fata sjede u dnevnoj sobi.
Haso temeljno razmišlja, nato obavjesti:
Fato moja, toliko da znaš. Nikad nebi poželijo biti biljka, jer bi mi život bijo odvisan od kojekakvi motora i tekućine.
Ako se to kad desi isključi utičnicu.
Fata ustane, isklopi teve i počne bacati pivo kroz prozor.
Srčno vjerujem, da taj avion nije brži od zvuka.
Stjuardesa uslužno, a zbunjeno:
Zašto?
Zato, da bi mogla sa prijateljicom razgovarati.
Haso i Fata sjede u dnevnoj sobi.
Haso temeljno razmišlja, nato obavjesti:
Fato moja, toliko da znaš. Nikad nebi poželijo biti biljka, jer bi mi život bijo odvisan od kojekakvi motora i tekućine.
Ako se to kad desi isključi utičnicu.
Fata ustane, isklopi teve i počne bacati pivo kroz prozor.
ne ruši most, možda nas poveže