Pita Fata mamu:
Mama, mogu li s Mujom u kino?
A koji film igra?
Strasni.
E, ne može, reče mati, da se prepadneš, pa mu priđeš bliže.
A mogu li gledati ljubavni, upita Fata.
Neeee, pa da se počnete ljubakati.
Pa mogu li bar smiješni gledati?
To može reče joj mati.
I kad je Fata došla iz kina upita je mati kako je bilo.
Znaš, mama da me Mujo nije držao za pičku, bila bi se upišala od smijeha.
vicovi :D
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Hidden_soul
- Devil in details
- Postovi: 4982
- Pridružen/a: 17 stu 2005 13:00
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Lokacija: On stranger tides
-
Zita
-
lola
- Postovi: 2210
- Pridružen/a: 06 sij 2007 16:48
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Lokacija: tu i tamo
ovaj me baš nasmijao:
uđe žena s malim djetetom u autobus. vozač busa joj kaže:
- "to je najružnije dijete što sam ikad vidio!"
žena sjedne u stražnji dio busa crvena od srdžbe, te kaže čovjeku do
sebe:
- "vozač me upravo uvrijedio!"
a ovaj joj kaže:
- "idi naprijed i pošalji ga u pizdu materinu, ja ću ti pričuvati majmuna."
uđe žena s malim djetetom u autobus. vozač busa joj kaže:
- "to je najružnije dijete što sam ikad vidio!"
žena sjedne u stražnji dio busa crvena od srdžbe, te kaže čovjeku do
sebe:
- "vozač me upravo uvrijedio!"
a ovaj joj kaže:
- "idi naprijed i pošalji ga u pizdu materinu, ja ću ti pričuvati majmuna."
-
nephthis_st
- Postovi: 98
- Pridružen/a: 29 ožu 2007 19:27
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Lokacija: st
dode penzioner u nudisticki kamp i lipo se izlezava, pored njega prode neka dobra teta i ovome se digne kurac, teta mu pride i upita ga "zvali ste me?", "ne, nisam" odgovori ovaj njoj, a ova nastavi " slusajte u ovom kampu je pravilo kad se nekome digne to znaci da me zvao", stručno se izjebu iza nekog grma i ova ode ća, a on nakon dobrog sexa ode u saunu da se opusti...s gušton ispusti povjetarac, kad do njega prđe jako zgodan momak i pita ga "gospodine zvali ste me",ovaj odgovori " ne nisam", maldić mu objasni "slusajte, u ovom kampu je pravilo kad netko prdne to znaci da me zvao" ovaj ga strucno razguzi i ode ća...
ujutro se penzioner digne i ode do recepcije da se odjavi, recepcionarka ga upita "sto je gospodine ne sviđa vam se u kampu?", ovaj odgovori "ma ne, nije to, nego je problem u tome sta se meni kurac digne dva puta godišnje a prnen 20 puta dnevno"
ujutro se penzioner digne i ode do recepcije da se odjavi, recepcionarka ga upita "sto je gospodine ne sviđa vam se u kampu?", ovaj odgovori "ma ne, nije to, nego je problem u tome sta se meni kurac digne dva puta godišnje a prnen 20 puta dnevno"
ja bi pive
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Broken Down Angel
- Postovi: 911
- Pridružen/a: 24 pro 2006 11:28
Stoje dva goluba na grani. Pita prvi drugog:
-Znaš li ti što je moć?
-Ne znam.
-To ti je kad se praviš da si mrtav, a cjeli se grad usere od straha.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Tko je najveći narkoman u Hrvatskoj? -Ban Jelačić. Pitaj Boga koliko je već na horsu. Jedno vrijeme su ga skinuli, ali jebi ga, opet se navukao.
-Znaš li ti što je moć?
-Ne znam.
-To ti je kad se praviš da si mrtav, a cjeli se grad usere od straha.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Tko je najveći narkoman u Hrvatskoj? -Ban Jelačić. Pitaj Boga koliko je već na horsu. Jedno vrijeme su ga skinuli, ali jebi ga, opet se navukao.
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Zita
Top 40 Things to do While in an Elevator
40. Make racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
39. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
38. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
37. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
36. Bring a chair along.
35. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
34. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
33. Do Tai Chi exercises.
32. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
31. Meow occasionally.
30. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
29. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
28. Play the harmonica.
27. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
26. Lean against the button panel.
25. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
24. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
23. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other people "through" it.
22. Start a sing-along.
21. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
20. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
19. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
18. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
17. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
16. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
15. One word: Flatulence!
14. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!"
13. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
12. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
10. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
9. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, blasted, all of you just shut UP!""
8. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
7. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
6. Wear "x-ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
5. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
4. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
3. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
2. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
1. Draw a little square on the floor and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
40. Make racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
39. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
38. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
37. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
36. Bring a chair along.
35. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
34. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
33. Do Tai Chi exercises.
32. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
31. Meow occasionally.
30. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
29. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
28. Play the harmonica.
27. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
26. Lean against the button panel.
25. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
24. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
23. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other people "through" it.
22. Start a sing-along.
21. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
20. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
19. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
18. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
17. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
16. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
15. One word: Flatulence!
14. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!"
13. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
12. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
10. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
9. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, blasted, all of you just shut UP!""
8. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
7. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
6. Wear "x-ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
5. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
4. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
3. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
2. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
1. Draw a little square on the floor and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
Zadnja izmjena: Zita, dana/u 13 svi 2007 18:23, ukupno mijenjano 1 put.
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Hidden_soul
- Devil in details
- Postovi: 4982
- Pridružen/a: 17 stu 2005 13:00
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Lokacija: On stranger tides
Otisla Fata na skup feministkinja.
Sjela za stol k Engleskinji i Francuskinji koje razgovaraju.
Francuskinja: - Ja sam svom muzu jedan dan rekla -Od sutra ti ne perem. I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan gleda on nesto oko perilice. Treci dan pere si sam!
Engleskinja: - Ja sam jedan dan rekla svom muzu - Od danas ti ne peglam! I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan muva se on oko pegle. Treci dan pegla si sam!
A Fata kaze:
- Rekla ja mom Muji - Od sutra ti ne perem ni ne peglam! I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan ne vidim ja nista. Treci dan uspijem malo otvorit lijevo oko!
:roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl:
Sjela za stol k Engleskinji i Francuskinji koje razgovaraju.
Francuskinja: - Ja sam svom muzu jedan dan rekla -Od sutra ti ne perem. I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan gleda on nesto oko perilice. Treci dan pere si sam!
Engleskinja: - Ja sam jedan dan rekla svom muzu - Od danas ti ne peglam! I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan muva se on oko pegle. Treci dan pegla si sam!
A Fata kaze:
- Rekla ja mom Muji - Od sutra ti ne perem ni ne peglam! I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan ne vidim ja nista. Treci dan uspijem malo otvorit lijevo oko!
:roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl:"Allow me to lend a machete to your intellectual thicket..."
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Hidden_soul
- Devil in details
- Postovi: 4982
- Pridružen/a: 17 stu 2005 13:00
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Lokacija: On stranger tides
-
lola
- Postovi: 2210
- Pridružen/a: 06 sij 2007 16:48
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Lokacija: tu i tamo
Hidden_soul je napisao/la:Otisla Fata na skup feministkinja.
Sjela za stol k Engleskinji i Francuskinji koje razgovaraju.
Francuskinja: - Ja sam svom muzu jedan dan rekla -Od sutra ti ne perem. I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan gleda on nesto oko perilice. Treci dan pere si sam!
Engleskinja: - Ja sam jedan dan rekla svom muzu - Od danas ti ne peglam! I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan muva se on oko pegle. Treci dan pegla si sam!
A Fata kaze:
- Rekla ja mom Muji - Od sutra ti ne perem ni ne peglam! I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan ne vidim ja nista. Treci dan uspijem malo otvorit lijevo oko!
:roftl::roftl::roftl::roftl:-
nika331
- Postovi: 344
- Pridružen/a: 03 stu 2005 21:22
- Spol/rod: žensko
- Ja sam: lezbijka
- Lokacija: zagreb
Hidden_soul je napisao/la:Otisla Fata na skup feministkinja.
Sjela za stol k Engleskinji i Francuskinji koje razgovaraju.
Francuskinja: - Ja sam svom muzu jedan dan rekla -Od sutra ti ne perem. I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan gleda on nesto oko perilice. Treci dan pere si sam!
Engleskinja: - Ja sam jedan dan rekla svom muzu - Od danas ti ne peglam! I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan muva se on oko pegle. Treci dan pegla si sam!
A Fata kaze:
- Rekla ja mom Muji - Od sutra ti ne perem ni ne peglam! I prvi dan ne vidim ja nista. Drugi dan ne vidim ja nista. Treci dan uspijem malo otvorit lijevo oko!
zašto meni nasilje nije smiješno??? fakat ne volim sve što vole mladi!!! buaaaaa
from my cold blooded hands!