vicovi :D

[Capt. Kirk]

@ fajtericaa
lol, ovaj sa crncem u polju je precious


enivej:
Bill goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to
the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bill's standing there, taking care
of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take
a leak. Bill finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bill to help
him out. Being a kind soul, Bill says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bill says, "OK." Then the man
says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bill replies, "Uh, yeah, OK." Bill
pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair
clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the
guy asks Bill to point it for him, and Bill points for him. Bill then
shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bill, "Thanks,
man, I really appreciate it." Bill says, "No problem, but what the
hell's wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt
and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"

[fajtericaa]

ahahahahahahahahahahaha.
iju. bljak. love it

[Plague]

umirem na Bashin vic

[filomena]

sto radi crnac u polju?
sve

sto je to malo zeleno u kutu?
to je moj crnac i ja cu ga obojat kako god ja zelim

sto radi crnac na olimpijskim igrama?
smrdi na 100 metara

i tak

[Bash]

umirem na Bashin vic

onaj statisticki? ajde neka, malo ga se tu cijeni


ne mogu se stat cerekat na ovo

[Plague]

A joooj, slatki mali peso

Bill goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to
the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bill's standing there, taking care
of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take
a leak. Bill finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bill to help
him out. Being a kind soul, Bill says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bill says, "OK." Then the man
says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bill replies, "Uh, yeah, OK." Bill
pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair
clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the
guy asks Bill to point it for him, and Bill points for him. Bill then
shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bill, "Thanks,
man, I really appreciate it." Bill says, "No problem, but what the
hell's wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt
and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"

Genijalno!

[Miki]

Napio se zec i pao u potok. Došli medo i lisica pa mu kažu:
Ajde zeko izađi, utopit ćes se.
A zeko će na to:
Odjebite vi kopnene zivotinje!

[Plague]

hehe, to sam postala nedavno na drugom forumu
I iskidala sam se kad sam ga pročitala

[sekica63]

Plavuša pijana jedva se doljulja doma, promaši i uđe u štalu, i legne pod kravu. Ujuto se probudi i vidi vime i 4eiri sise. Mamurna od alkohola počne vikati, polako polako dečki, jedan po jedan, ne odma sve 4etvorica

[Miki]

hehe, to sam postala nedavno na drugom forumu
I iskidala sam se kad sam ga pročitala

E onda sam ga od tebe uzela, predobar!!

[sekica63]

Plavuša naruči picu na dom. Halo ja sam se sad preselila u drugi dio grada, Vozač kaže nema frke, ja i moj garmin nađemo sve ulice.

Nakon pola sata zvoni neko, plavuša otvori i vidi vozač dostavijo picu, pita ga, pa ti si sam? gdje ti je taj garmin?

[roadkill]

Pita mali invalid mamu: mama, jel mogu dobit kolac??
Mama: ne, sine, sad ce rucak.
Sin: A daaaj, mamaaaa.
Mama: A dobro, uzmi si sa gornje police.
Sin: Ali mama, ja nemam ruke...
Mama: Nema ruku - nema kolacica....

[Kroacija]

[sekica63]

Pričaju 2va policajca:
Jedan se žali i kaže. Ma tako sam zabrinut zbog sina. Morao sam ga upisatu u školu sa posebnim potrebama.
Ovaj mu odgovari. Pusti djete pa nek ide kad ima tako veselje.

[sekica63]

Plavuša Mojca uđe u trgovinu:
Ogrlicu za buhe molim.
Trgovac pita:
Za psa ili mačku?
Pa za buhe: već sam vam rekla.


Sin pita oca:
Tata, šta je to svjetlosna brzina?
Otac odgovori:
Svjetlosna brzina je, kad bakica u gradskom autobusu ugleda prazan sjedež.

[Kali]

Žena i ja smo iz kreveta gledale na TVu "Tko želi biti milijunaš".
Okrenla sam se prema njoj i upitala: "Hoćeš se seksati?".
"Ne", odgovorila je.
Upitala sam: "Je li to tvoj konačni odgovor?"
Nije me ni pogledala kad mi je rekla: "Da, to je moj konačni odgovor!"
Tada sam rekla: "Dobro, onda bih iskoristila joker 'ZOVI'


I tad je počela frka...

[Kali]

Jedan hipik ulazi u autobus i tamo primjecuje jednu slatku casnu
sestru. Sjeda pored nje i upita ju:

"Hoces li voditi ljubav sa mnom?"

"Ne" odgovara casna sestra, "Ja sam udata za Boga", zatim se digne i
izadje na slijedecoj stanici.

Tada progovori vozac autobusa koji je cuo citavu konverzaciju:

"Ja znam kako mozes privoliti casnu sestru da vodi ljubav s Tobom?"

"Stvarno? A kako?" upita hipik.

"Svakog utorka tocno u ponoc, ona odlazi na groblje da se moli, tako
da jedino sto trebas uciniti je obuci neki dugacki ogrtac s
kapuljacom, namazati bradu
briljantinom i tvrditi da si Bog".

Hipik se odluci da isproba i pojavi se na groblju u utorak uvecer,
maskiran kako mu je vozac predlozio.

"To sam ja, Bog!" predstavi se hipik casnoj sestri povlaceci kapuljacu
dublje prema licu.

"Vodi ljubav sa mnom!"

Casna sestra pristane ne pitajuci nista, ali ga moli da se zadovolji
samo analnim odnosom jer niposto ne zeli izgubiti nevinost.

"Bog" i casna sestra vode ljubav i kada su zavrsili, on se uspravi i
skine kapuljacu s glave govoreci:

"Ha-ha-ha!! To sam ja hipik"

"Ha-ha-ha! uzvraca casna sestra. "To sam ja, vozac autobusa!"

[_rea_]

Pitao Mujo kolege s posla kako da provjeri da li ga Fata voli.
Kada dodjes doma pravi se mrtav pa ces vidjeti kako Fata reagira.
I tako dodje Mujo doma otvori vrata i slozi se na pod.
Vidje to Fata pa ga preskoci potrcavsi prema susjedu Hasi vicuci:
-Hasooo, evo ga rikno Mujo!
Dodje Haso pa gleda.
Pita Fata: - U cemu da ga pokopam?
Kaze Haso: - Pa u onom odijelu sto ste ga kupili u Italiji!
-Ma to ces ti obuci, njega cemo obuci u onu staru Nike trenirku,kaze
Fata
A sta da mu obujemo? Pita Fata.
- One talijanske kozne cipele. Kaze Haso
-Ma te cipele obuj ti, njemu cemo na noge one stare Adidas tene kaze
Fata.
I tako dodje dan sahrane pa Fata onako reda radi pocne naricati: - EEE, mooj Muujo kamo te noseee!
Dize se Mujo iz kovcega pa kaze: - NA OLIMPIJADU, PIZDA TI MATERINA!

[_rea_]

Three Proofs that Jesus Was...

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH
He went into his father's business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH
He never got married
He was always telling stories
He loved green pastures

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN
His first name was Jesus
He was bilingual
He was always being harassed by the authorities

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN
He talked with his hands
He had wine with every meal
He worked in the building trades

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK
He called everybody "brother"
He liked Gospel
He couldn't get a fair trial

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN
He never cut his hair
He walked around barefoot
He started a new religion

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN
He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food.
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
Even dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.

[_rea_]

An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes walks into a
pet
shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:

"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts and he gets down on his knees, so that
he's on
her level, and asks,

"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or
maybe
one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She, blushing, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans
forward and says in a quiet voice,

"I don't fink my python weally gives a phuck..."

[_rea_]

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and
engage in
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says
the
following;
"Emma come first. Den I come.
Two asses, dey come together. I come again.
Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this
country we
don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa
ta
spella Mississippi."

[PlayToy]

An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes walks into a
pet
shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:

"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts and he gets down on his knees, so that
he's on
her level, and asks,

"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or
maybe
one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She, blushing, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans
forward and says in a quiet voice,

"I don't fink my python weally gives a phuck..."

aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Zbrkica]

[backspace]

Žena i ja smo iz kreveta gledale na TVu "Tko želi biti milijunaš".
Okrenla sam se prema njoj i upitala: "Hoćeš se seksati?".
"Ne", odgovorila je.
Upitala sam: "Je li to tvoj konačni odgovor?"
Nije me ni pogledala kad mi je rekla: "Da, to je moj konačni odgovor!"
Tada sam rekla: "Dobro, onda bih iskoristila joker 'ZOVI'


I tad je počela frka...

...pa si nakon frke iskoristila joker zovi. i nazvala 94 pretpostavljam

[sekica63]

Haso sa molbom bogu:
Bože pa daj i nama državu.
Bog: Odjebi, dao sam vam kurac, pa šta ste uradili, Haso. pa malo ga obrezali.

[sekica63]

Plavuša: koligice šta to gledaš na tveju? pa gledam atletiku.
Plavuša. a što trče ti ljudi? kolegica kaže, pa ko pobjeti dobije 5et tisuća eura.
Plavuša, pa ok dobije pobjednik. a što preostali onda trče?

[_rea_]

MOST POPULAR CHUCK NORRIS FACTS :

- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
- There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
- Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
- Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
- Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

[_rea_]

- "Koji je najkraći put do ludnice?"
- "SKRENEŠ !!"

[_rea_]

Stupid signs from around the globe

On the bathroom hand dryer at an American rest stop:
DO NOT TURN ON MACHINE WITH WET HANDS!


In a German cemetery:
DO NOT PICK FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT YOUR OWN GRAVE!

[sekica63]

Na putničkom avionu starija gospođa reče stjuardesi:
Srčno vjerujem, da taj avion nije brži od zvuka.
Stjuardesa uslužno, a zbunjeno:
Zašto?
Zato, da bi mogla sa prijateljicom razgovarati.


Haso i Fata sjede u dnevnoj sobi.
Haso temeljno razmišlja, nato obavjesti:
Fato moja, toliko da znaš. Nikad nebi poželijo biti biljka, jer bi mi život bijo odvisan od kojekakvi motora i tekućine.
Ako se to kad desi isključi utičnicu.
Fata ustane, isklopi teve i počne bacati pivo kroz prozor.